My First BDSM Experience

It was 1996 and I had been online for only a year. The kids had gone to live with their father and I was recovering from surgery, on disability, so it was no problem to spend 23 hours a day online. I was deeply involved in irc… Internet Relay Chat. I got bladder infections from refusing to leave the screen to pee. That Net addiction lasted about 3 years.

1995

Birth of a submissive

During that time, I met Gerald in a fun room I hung out in on irc. The connection was wonderful… he was so smart, clever, entertaining… and, incredibly important to me in chat, wrote quickly, with very few typos. The fact that I was lesbian was irrelevant.

We “played” (sexually) and it was delicious, an entirely new dimension to sex for me. If you’ve never had cybersex, it’s hard to explain, but the mind is amazing in its ability to translate words into bodily sensations, sweeping one into a pseudo-reality of excitement and arousal.

During one session, Gerald shifted gears from our usual scene. “What would you do if I put your arms above your head and held them there?” Hmmm. “That would be fine.” He continued pushing the boundaries of any sex I’d had in real life (irl) and it felt wonderful.

I knew nothing about BDSM at the time. There was no Google or even search engines to learn about it, either. Until I began reading books, all I learned came from Gerald. My computer was ghastly slow (2400 baud), so surfing the Web took forever, but I still managed to look at the sites he sent me to, reading me the URL over the phone. (Laughing remembering how difficult it was at the time to get all the characters correct to even get to the sites!) He introduced me to Shibari, artistic rope bondage, his especial kink.

shibari
Japanese Shibari

Cyber Limitations

I’m fat. I’ve been fat all my life except a teeny short time after a Gastric Bypass in 2001. Telling Gerald I was fat was terrifying. He said it didn’t matter. It was incredibly difficult for me to believe that, however. There were too many hurdles to sending him a pic via snail mail, so he just had to take my word for how fat I was and what I could and could not do when he gave me online commands. As in the pic above, he loved pulling women’s arms behind them, but because of my size, that wasn’t going to happen. I felt bad about it, too.

There was no Cam back then, either. When I was directed/ordered to do something, it was a matter of trust that I complied. I didn’t even consider faking it, but know now that, by far, the grand majority of folks saying they are doing something sexual online are really just watching TV and having a beer. (I encounter this daily as a Phone Sex Operator.)

“Yes, Master.”

He started sending me packages, small toys at first (a ball gag with leather straps, for example), then, as time went on, the gifts became more intricate, culminating in three enormous coils of rope: red, black and blue. (Note the symbolism, yes?)

il_570xN.688807895_97r3

The ropes were not whipped on the ends; that was my assignment, to do the whipping. This was in preparation for our real life meeting. Gerald was sending for me, bringing me from Orlando to San Francisco to spend a week with my new Master.┬áIt was exciting and terrifying all at the same time. At that time, I had not met any CyberFriends. Since, I have met hundreds (mostly through Disney groups), but way back then, it was unheard of to meet people you had cybersex with. I have no recollection of worrying if I was going to be assaulted or murdered when I arrived. Baffles me that I wouldn’t: 1) have any memory of that concern OR 2) have that be such a great concern that I would remotely consider doing something so stupid.

But prepare to go to him, I did.

I knelt. For. Hours. whipping those ropes. Each coil was a different length and the way the ends are whipped tells the Top/Dom how long that length is without having to measure.

whipping
whipping at the end of a rope

I was such a good little subbie.

Flying

About the time I finished the rope assignment, it was time to go to him in San Francisco. I knew he was married; there was never an expectation of his leaving his Vanilla wife. But, I was going to meet my Dom. I was giddily nervous, wanting to please him so badly.

view-from-plane

The continuation, “Meeting My First Dom” up next!

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