I Am a Fluorescent Tube

Tuesday, 10/18/16, 7:06pm

You know that sound they make? That incessant buzzing?

That’s what I feel like.

fluorescent-tube-gif

And in perpetual motion.

Non-Compliant. Again.

I don’t know who I think I am fooling when I sneakily “forget” to take the Risperdal. Up for 25 hours, trying to sleep periodically and feeling like I am electrically charged, getting back up again a few minutes later.

I’m somewhat productive, writing posts for work and here, organizing my Kindle music library, pulling things out of drawers and stuffing them into garbage bags, but I feel sad all at the same time. Not that wonderful, blissful feeling of the last few weeks. My therapist, just like my Psychiatrist, reminded me that it was not all that “blissful” and my mind is playing games with me.

TAKE THE FREAKIN’ RISPERDAL.

(I did.)

Therapy

fluorescent-tube

I hadn’t been to therapy in a couple three weeks because I was working with the doctor instead. It’s almost an hour to get there and the prospect of taking that trek twice in one day was too daunting. I did it today, but probably shouldn’t have.

I barely remember anything we talked about, knowing I wouldn’t even as my lips were moving. The whirring so loud in my head and coursing through my body.

What I remember is that I need to honor my Self and take my meds every day and on time.

It’s the goal for the next few days.

fluorescolor

7:58pm

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